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Polish People Are Great!
You know you’re Polish if…
If you come from Chicago, Buffalo, Cleveland, Hamtramck, or Milwaukee there is a large church called “Saint Stanislaus,” or “Saint Hedwig,” within one block of your childhood home (that is, unless you’re one of those suburban exiles, in which case the church is within one block of your babcia’s house!)
The neighborhood you grew up in is called “Little Warsaw”, “Slavic Village”, “Polish Hill,” or something of that sort. You like to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day but only because “the Irish are oppressed too”!
Your knowledge of the Polish language is lim ited to ‘naughty’ words (e.g., dupa, gowno, gatki, etc), names for food (e.g, pierogi, kapusta, etc), and drinking toasts (e.G., na zdrowie, sto lat, etc).
You occasionally add the suffix “-ski” to English words for no apparent reason (e.G., “I’m gonna go put the car-ski in the garage-ski”). [If you also happen to know a few basic conversational phrases in Polish, you are considered "old school" by friends and relatives.]
You call your grandma “babcia” or “busia” and your grandpa “dziadzia.” You know how to dance the polka, but you only do it at weddings after kicking back a few generous shots of vodka.
You like to drink. Especially beer. Especially cheap beer.
When frustrated, you slap your forehead, shake your head, and say “O Jezu Marija!”
You have one grandma that wears a babushka and galoshes every single day of the year and another grandma that wears a lot of jewelry and too much make-up.
You have a grandma who uses ev ery single part of animal carcasses to make sausages , soups, dumplings, etc.
You have at least one uncle named “Stan,” or “Stas.”
You have at least one relative who works, or used to work, for the Big Three.
Your relatives show constant devotion to saints, the Blessed Virgin, the Pope, the Democratic Party, the U.S. Steelworkers, etc.
Your grandma has a shrine complete with votive candles and a picture of the “Our Lady of Czestochowa” or “Infant of Prague.”
Your parents have at least one crucifix or religious picture mounted on a wall in their house with palms tucked behind it.
Your grandparents and other rela tives habitually kiss everyone they meet.
You refer to your two dozen or so cousins by childhood nicknames (e.g., Stannie, Nicky, Louie, Joey, Chickie, Honey, etc.) irrespective of their ages.
You refer to grandparents and aunts by pet names (e.G., Aunt Honey, Aunt Chickie, Grandpa Jo-Jo, etc).
You regularly attend Friday fish fries, harvest festivals, parish festivals, Vegas nights, and/or Bingo.
You bowl regularly and/or on a team sponsored by a local bar.
You get your food blessed at Easter and your house blessed at Christmas time.
Your family has a wigilia meal on Christmas Eve at which you share oplatki.
You like to put sour cream, horseradish, and/or beer on everything you eat.
Your family likes to play card games like hearts and pinochle, and this often culminates in full-scale brawls.
You always prefer rye bread to white or wheat.
Your dad has forced you to eat horseradish, claiming that it will “put hair on your chest” (even If you’re a female!).
You like to go “mushroom hunting.”
People in your family have their wedding receptions at places called “Polish Legion Hall,” “Sacred Heart Center,” etc.
You know the words to “Sto Lat” and sing it at all birthday parties.
You can out drink all of your friends.
You have waited in line at a church or bakery to buy pierogi or paczki.
You frequently add “dere” (there) and/or “ya know” to the end of sentences. Words like kiszka, kielbasa, and kolaczki actually mean something to you.
You know the difference between Czechs, Slovaks, and Slovenes, and you think they’re all inferior to poles despite the numerous glaring similarities.
You used to get a day off from school on Saint Joseph’s Day (March 19).
You actually know who Kosciuszko and Pulaski are, and why they’re important.
You have at least one relative who plays the Accordion.
You are inclined to blame all the world’s ills on Germans and Russians.
You have an easier time getting along with Irishmen and Italians than with non-Polish Slavs.
You’re either completely overdressed or completely underdressed for every occasion.
If you’re a woman, you wear make-up at all times – even if it’s 90 degrees outside and you’re 88 years old.
Your idea of “healthy” is boiled pierogi, light beer, and filtered cigarettes.
You walk into a crowd of people you don’t know and talk to them like they’re your best friends in the whole world.
You hoard vast amounts of money in your house.
You have at least one bar in your house – usually in the basement.
Your family always has an excuse to hold a “poprawini e” – e.g., when someone dies, or when someone gets married.
You’ve never been to Poland, but you have mysterious relatives there to whom you send gifts and money every Christmas.
Your front yard is filled with lawn ornaments – e.g., pink flamingos, jockey, Mary in the halfshell, etc.
You have relatives who are priests and nuns.
You collect “prayer cards” from funerals.
You or someone in your family owns highly outdated Dodge or Plymouth.
You regularly attend Mass but spend most of the ceremony sleeping and/or looking at the parish bulletin.
You’re haven’t been a practicing Catholic for years but everyone in your family insists that it’s “just a phase.”
You often visit cemeteries, light votive candles for dead relatives, and generally spend an unhealthy amount of time obsessing about death.
You like to gossip and generally talk too much.
People often have trouble pronouncing your last name.
Your family is so loyal that even a second cousin would take a bullet for you.
You drink your coffee black and take your liquor straight up.
If you’re from Chicago you come by my house to go shopping at Jewels or Dominick. You used to shop at Kroger, A&Ps, HiLows, Monkey Wards, and Sears Roadbuck.
Not just Poles get that stuff… if you had close neighbors who were Polish you still say dupa, babushka, galoshes , etc. and you love pierogi… and so do your kids…
Or maybe I just watched too much Houlihan and Big Chuck…
Those of us married to FPP’s (Fine Polish Person) get much of this stuff too, although I am sure as an outsider, one can never truly understand
Like the new site very much Joe! – Perry
Polish people in Chicago (at least the ones that still speak the language) seem to be more Polish than those in the old country. Take it from me, I’ve lived in both Warsaw and Chicago
I loved reading throught this. As I did I thought I might add a few:
-You probably have lace curtains and doilies somewhere in your house.
-You have probably owened either a Buick or oldsmobile in the not too distant past.
-You speak Half /na poo/ (Gdzie sa moje “KEYS”.)
-Plastic coverings on furniture.
I have family in Cinncinati and in the old country, we talk about this stuff all the time Great Stuff!
Mark
WOW!!! This is me COMPLETELY and I didn’t even know it was b/c I was polish!!!! I’m 1/2 Polish – 1/2 German (The German grandma had some serious issues with that…LOL)
You might add:
Polish people are very thrifty. My busia cut napkins in half to save money, stored her uneaten airport food in her bra, smuggled extra sugars from McDonald’s, and repaired, reused, or recycled clothes, tools, and quilts so as not to have to buy new ones. “Dis still goot,” she used to say.
We also have hundreds of Polka Records,of Blazonchek, Happy Louie, Ampol Airs, and Tommy Moroczka
Very intersting and right on the money. Its so nice to reminsice of the good old days.
You also neglected to mention another large Polish group in New Britain CT where we have two large Polish churches; Sacred Heart Church and School and Holy Cross Church. `There is also a large Polish population in the Hartford, CT and Springfield, MA areas.
God Bless the Poles.
Polka music was once the center of this group but things have changed. Most of the old Polish polka
shows are going going gone. Their audiences draw the older folks 75-85. Obviously we need some serious changes in these shows. I have a different kind of Polish Polka show that I call European Folk music/polka show. We have a large mixed audience of all ages and includes polka and Polish immigrants and others. God Bless. JVP
It always bugs me how people forget that Polka is Czech and not Polish.
The actual Polish dances are Polonez (like they danced in Pan Tadeusz) or Krakowiak from Cracow.
LOL!I live in Buffalo!!!
I love being polish.
Love it.
I’m a few generations back in the Polish scheme of things, but I go to a Polish church and sing Sto Lat at every party. Most of these things definitely apply!
Most things you said applied directly to my family! hahaha
My dad even nicknamed our cats growing up with Polish sounding nicknames like Poopska and Booski. Totally right on about the Oplatki…always have to have that for Christmas! My Grandma seems to know every nun in Chicago too.
full pole. from new britain, ct
OMgoodness, are you serious? I was doing a search for a particular forum and stumbled upon this and it was like a car accident, can’t stop reading. I’m actually from Poland as a young child and have no idea what you are talking about! lol I would say that perhaps the title should be “Only Polish Americans will Understand This” bc I am Polish and don’t! To each their own! lol
But to set it straight, we do sing “Sto Lat” at every birthday party bc that’s the birthday song you sing…
I guess I’d disagree with the comment that Polish Americans don’t go to Mass or spend Mass reading the bulletin … All of my friends & family are among the most faithful churchgoers I know! We are also the only ones that insist on getting dressed up for church – no jeans – when everybody else is dressed like slobs. Just sayin’!
Basia,
Yep I agree with you. The Polish Americans I know are some of the most religious, “church going” people I know.
I live in Florida and can’t get over people coming to Sunday Mass in shorts and sandals. Even on Christmas. Well, this year I decided to go to Midnight Mass which was all in Polish complete with Christmas carols all sung in Polish too. I loved it!! And one thing I noticed which was really different than other Masses…almost all the men has suits and ties on, or at least jackets and ties. The women were dressed to kill. It brought me back to my youth in the 1950′s and 1960′s. Really made me smile.
Yeah, I live in Warsaw and practically none of this applies to me. Well, it applies to my babcia, but that’s it.
Izunia, I totally agree with you. I live in Warsaw now, but I’ve lived in Virginia before, and none of that applied to me either. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever met anybody to whom it applied…
Mind if I add a couple?
You have kind of representation of “Our Lady of Czestochowa” hanging somewhere in your home.
You have a photo of Pope John Paul 2 in your home.
Your grammar school or church had Pierogi sales.
Your Babci was the worlds BEST cook…and whenever she cooked she made enough to feed an army.
I live in chicago 4 21years and I will never forget where I come from and ever ever will not forget my motherland language!proud 2 be Pole
…Polish Pride 
)
I am from Poland, but now live in the center of the ‘Polish’ New Britain in CT. Even though only some of these points apply to me (and my extended) family, sadly, other people in US still ‘stereotype’ us according to what is their perception of Poles as coming from ‘outsiders’ of the culture. This article is a very funny and true depiction of all the collective cross-generational national memories, cultural behaviors and religious rituals that are still practiced to date that made us who we are, no matter where we are from or currently live. As any nation, we have our quirks that make us “distinctive Polish”. Even though I rarely drink and am not employed in the cleaning industry, people commonly ask me if I can recommend a good cleaning lady or a kind of beer
Had a great laugh at the ‘collective’ point of view in this article and comments.
yeah i think this one would be speak to native Poles more:
you have relatives who aren’t really your relatives
you know how to sing Sto Lat and sing it on your firend’s birthdays
you love soccer
you know very well Pope John Paul II was Polish and his name was Karol, not Carol.
you go to Midnight Mass every Christmas Eve and keep your Christmas tree up till February.
you know it’s wodka. not vodka.
you open your presents on Christmas Eve.
you don’t feel the need to add an “s” to Pierogi because you already know the word is plural and it annoys you when others do.
you see a girl and the first thing you check out are her eyes
you sometimes slip up when speaking English and add an ‘y’ to already plural English words.
you love electronica, dance, and European techno in general
you can spot Polish people like Asians can spot each other
your grandparents hardly (if at all) speak English
when you’re at a stranger’s house, you expect their garbage can to be under the sink
you always take off your shoes as soon as you step into someone else’s house, even when they say you don’t have to.
you still think that American weddings should last days, not hours.
you know Chopin was born in Poland and not in France
your grandma understands you better than you understand yourself
you were speaking Polish before you were English
you have never eaten meat on Good Friday
you dash your sevens and hat your ones
your parents have no idea how to use a computer except for solitaire.
your grandmother has a picture framed of Pope John Paul II, right beside your family photo
your family considers mushroom/berry picking as ‘having a good time”
your grandma insists you wear papcie/kapcie because the floor is chilly and you’ll get a cold.
you have paper towels in the house but they’re just for show, because everyone knows you’re supposed to use a szmatka.
all your friends wished they were polish because of Smigus Dingus
you couldn’t say a bad word, even butt, around your mother without getting smacked.
you would fail a blood/drug test because you’ve eaten so much poppy seed cake
you, or your family/Polish friends talk in English, you occasionally slip in Polish words, and it’s ok because you all know what each other are saying.
your grandma can tell if you like a girl just by looking at you
you often doodle the polish eagle during class